You want clients who pay you shit tons of money.
The kind of clients who trust everything that comes out of your mouth. Clients who discover that you're the best thing since sliced bread. Clients that will pay you for your genius.
But you don't have those kinds of clients.
Nope. You have the shitty clients who want you to discount yourself or they question everything you do. Or maybe you have a bunch of "maybe" clients who promise to hire you and never do. And the next week you see them hiring your competition. It hurts when that happens. But (are you ready for real talk?) YOU ASKED TO BE TREATED THAT WAY.
Because no one knows or even cares that your business exists.
Ouch. That hurt. But it's the truth.
You continue to try everything that's shiny and new. You throw your money down the drain on the latest guru, their latest course, try their new-fangled “strategy” for ten minutes, and then get pissed again because nothing fucking worked like they said it would. Oh, and that guru? The one who swore they’d help you get where you needed to be? They’re too busy laughing their silly ass off on the way to the bank with your hard-earned money. Which ends up with you downing a bottle of wine while watching cat videos and rolling your eyes as you read about everyone else winning at life on Facebook. What the fuck, right? When is it YOUR TURN?
It doesn't have to be this way - you've heard this before, but it DOESN'T.
Right about now, you’re thinking “Oh, YAY, here comes the bullshit sales pitch.”
COME ON. We both knew this was coming, but since you're still reading I know you're interested. Yeah, it’s a sales pitch, but this is a bullshit-free zone, comrade.
I don't have a cutesy program to sell you with some airy-fairy immeasurable results that you won't be able to replicate.
I'm going to sell you something that will change your fucking life. You will buy it not because it’s coated in hashtags and glitter, but because you already know you need it.
Forget about the gurus and the cat videos and the crying into your Cabernet and read on...
If You Grab My Package...
I will help you take your business from being a wallflower-wannabe-flirt to going bang-bang-all-the-way without becoming a cheap hussy.
Work with me for six weeks and I'm talking about making more money AND having more free time all without having to buy another little blue pill.
My package isn't like anything you've ever seen (or grabbed!) before. This is called working smarter not harder thanks to some results-based, tried and very true online marketing methods. We will be taking all of the pieces of the puzzle - all of your ideas, all of your big ass dreams - and working together to make them HAPPEN.
And like, NOW - not after three years of blogging, not six months from now when you get your ass in gear and finish the last page of your site, and not when the social media gods smile on you and you get “discovered” (which, by the way, happens right after hell freezes over, so - FUCKING NEVER).
I mean the very day we do this thing? You’ll start to make the changes you’re looking for.
(Psst: I AM the proof in this pudding. This is all shit I use every single day in my own biz—so I know that it works. I won’t shove anything down your throat that I haven’t personally tested again and again myself.)
The Down + Dirty Details:
One 2-hour strategy planning video call session
Five 75-minute video call sessions
What exactly will we be doing during these video calls?
Fuck if I know. Seriously. Every design business is different. Brenda, over there, needs help on her website and her social media strategy. Kelly needs helps with her sales funnel and autoresponder set up. Donna needs help with setting up her passive income strategy and affiliate marketing.
All that is to say that your specific needs will be different and no client fits into a one-size-fits-all package. We will need to go over the following foundation pieces (website, offers and marketing) but wherever else you need help from me, I'm more than ready to get my hands dirty with you.
Let's Go Back To Your Place: Your Wooing Website
I won't get too techy with it but basically I'm going to review your website and help you take it from not so hot to super fucking sexy. Of course, there will be an "evil genius level" plan to get targeted traffic to your website aka clients who want to throw their platinum Amex at your ass. Your website will be the virtual pad that brings all the boys to the yard, along with their credit card. We will make the changes together so don't worry your pretty little head about the techy shit.
Play Some Back Seat Bingo: Your Seductive (Not Slutty) Offers
AKA how to make you more money and at the same time get you more free time. Can I get an AMEN? I'm going to get into your head, clean out all of that shitty stuff you say to yourself about why you can't make more money (spoiler: you totally can) and then I will show you how you're going to do this - step by step. Life's too fucking short to spend it trading your valuable time for pennies. That VIP vacation with room service that you've had in mind for years will be happening. WARNING - this is NOT a therapy session. There will be serious discussion and maybe some tears (yours, not mine) but NO hand-holding - just the two of us doing the work.
Make ‘Em Want To Go All The Way: Your Magnetic Marketing
Then, this. THIS will blow your motherfucking mind! We're going to get your marketing finally figured the fuck out. And NO - I am not going to ask you to spend all of your time on all eleventyseven of the social media platforms. No one has time for that ish. We're going to find your peeps online and only hang out at the hot spots for your business. You won't have time to sashay your ass all over town hoping someone will take a gander.
But before you fall head over heels in love with my package...
It might sound too good to be true, but this isn't some whacked out dream sequence from some TV show where you wake up one day wondering WTF just happened? No, ma'am. This is the package you've been looking for.
But I want you to be very sure that you know who this isn't for because I'm not into wasting time. So just in case you've become enthralled with my tantalizing words, let's make sure this is right for you.
This isn't for you if:
You're not ready for all eyes to be on your hot ass business. Are you one of those prudish petunias who wants to build a fluffy business based on pretty fonts and a perfect head shot? Move along, then, sparklepants.
You can't commit to doing the work or taking action because you're skeered of people judging you. When I'm done with you, you're going to be the one to watch.
You’re brand-spanking-new to the business world. I’m not teaching you how to write an email or customer service 101 or even “how to find yourself” - learn that shit on your OWN and then come back to me for next-level shit.
You aren't already making a few grand a month. You don't have income? Then you don’t have a business that is ready for this epic shit YET. Cash me ousside in about two years, brah.
You want to tell me what some other guru who didn't get you fucking results says is the right way to do something. If you think someone else will get you where you want to go and that person isn't me, don't waste your time or mine. Feel free to hit them up.
You think I will create some magical spell to create a dream business for you where you can just outsource it all to a $4 an hour VA in the Philippines. No fucking way, Jose. I will give you and help you to implement the strategies you don't even know you need, but you still need to show up and do the work. I don't do shortcuts, I do success.
Now that we got that out of the way...
This is sooooo for you if:
You’re ready to leave the “pencil skirts and glittery coffee mugs OMG!” crew behind to position yourself as a polished + poised expert — and truly POP out from the digital crowd of sameness.
You’re ready to get lots of practical strategy to present yourself online as the baddest bitch in the land— from your online marketing plan, right down to the nitty-gritty techie logistics.
You’re excited to put a personalized ACTION plan in place that you can easily implement into your business.
You are ready to put an intense focus on your creative business + work on the hard stuff to grow your business in a big way without excuses.
You’re a big girl + action taker but need help actually getting it all in place that’ll make your business shine online.
You’re ready to scale your business so you can consistently have those $10K+ months (‘cause trust me, you will).
Here's The Deal -
If you’ve been waiting for someone to tell you what-the-fuck to do, and help you do it, you’ve found the package for you.
I am so certain that this works because not only has it worked for me, it’s worked for these folks, too -
I have spent so much time and money on other coaches, online courses, webinars, etc. and they only gave me half the picture and made me more confused. Alycia does what she says she’ll do - that is take your interior design business to the next level. It works for edesign, but it works for conventional design businesses as well. I get calls from new clients every day - seriously - every day! She knows what she is talking about and if YOU do what she says, it will work. I Listened To Alycia And Followed Her Instructions. Low and behold in the first quarter of the year I earned as much as I did for the whole previous year. ~Kathleen J.
I Wouldn't Hesitate To Hire Alycia. There are a lot of people who do what she does and don’t know half as much. And besides, she’s a lot of fun to work with! In our time together she was very focused ~Laurel Bern
I Feel Like My Blindfold Has Been Taken Off And I've Gained Much Needed Clarity on what changes I need to make to my biz so that I can land clients. ~Julie Jamison
BUT! (And this is a HUGE BUT) it’s not for everyone (yeah, I know, you saw that above, but I really fucking mean it) and that’s why the first step is to fill out an application.
WTF, such a bummer, yeah, yeah, whatever - but KNOW THIS. I’m not into taking your money if I can’t help you, and I’m 100% not into wasting time, yours or mine. I’m not here for beginner-level bullshit and neither are you.
NOTE - any business coach who takes you on WITHOUT seeing if you’re right for each other is the equivalent of a dirty-ass one night stand - it might be cheap, it might feel good for a minute, but you’ll wind up sad, bewildered, and wondering how to get rid of a nasty STD. (serious training deficiency) If you encounter one of these “profeshunuls”, run like the wind.
AND - p.s. I’m an expert at what I do. I’ve got the street cred. The experience. The skills. And the qualifications. However, we should probably give a group nod to the fact that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional, and my services don’t replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. (Though I do own a pretty impressive brown leather couch, thankyouverymuch.) With that comes the standard eye-glaze inducing disclaimer that, no, I cannot actually guarantee the outcome of our coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my website/blog/email series, and my comments about the outcome are expressions of (my very personal) opinion only. I can guarantee you this, however: I will do everything in my power to help you take your business to the next level.
Read on and if you’re still hot to trot for what I’ve got, you can complete your application below.
How Much Does It Cost To Get Your Hands On My Package?
$2500 straight up. (Or 4 Payments of $750)
This includes six weeks of calls, unlimited emails, me getting my hands dirty getting all up in your business and access to the best damn strategy you've ever got your hands on. (In comparison, you could use that money to buy another shitty course that will lead you fucking nowhere, a piece of software that you won’t ever remember to use, and three or four dust-gathering eBooks that you’ll forget you ever downloaded, but, hey, it’s your money - spend it on that shit if you prefer.)
$2500 isn’t chump change, and we both KNOW that, but… it’s also not the most money you’ve ever spent on your business, and GUESS WHAT? Instead of an expense, this is a true investment. When you get your personalized plan, follow the fuck through, and do the GD work, you WILL see this money back in your pocket.
Still scrolling? Let's cut the shit.
Let me ask you this... how much does costing you EVERY DAMN DAY to not have a business that is making you real money?
You've been working too hard at something that isn't getting you the results that you want. You KNOW THIS ALREADY, so it’s time to make the choice.
You can go back and keep doing the same shit that hasn't been working. Or you can grab my package, get the satisfaction of knowing you will finally have the plan that will take you from point A to point $$$ so you can stop wasting time and money.
No more courses, tools, or internet fairy-guru fuckery -
It's time for you to be your own hero. You know you were meant for so much more and you're fucking exhausted playing this game of "business whack-a-mole", chasing the quick-fixes.
There are no shortcuts in business. Deep down you already know this because you’ve been trying every shiny, new shortcut so you didn't have to put in the hard work. And where did that get you? Nowhere. Say it with me - that shit’s in your past. One on one guidance will get you to your future.
That is why you want my package NOW.
Decision time. Let's see how bad you want my package.
Oh you're still here? Alright... not ready to grab my package? You can still talk dirty to me. The cost? $297. One hour of mind-blowing ideas and sexy strategy that'll have you screaming like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally". (Or in comparison you could blow a couple hundy here and a couple hundy there on some shitty online courses that can't tell you what you really need to know about how you can make your OWN business slay online.) Talk Dirty To Me, if you dare.