How To Convince People To Buy Your Stuff


Making sales isn't hard. And you don't need to convince anyone to buy what you're selling.

Just the other day a chick rang my doorbell. I don't usually answer the doorbell, but I did.

Chick: Hello, ma'am. I was just down the street, four houses down at your neighbor's Felicia's home. You know her right?

Me: Nope. I don't know any of my neighbors. 

Chick: Ah, well we were just getting her all set up with our pest control company. Saving her money and....

Me: I already have a pest control person and I like him.

Chick: Who are you using?

Me: Why do you need to know that?

Chick: Oh, I'm sure we could save you...

Me: I'm happy with my guy. Goodbye.

With that, I closed the door like a crotchety old lady.

What the sales chick failed to do was understand her client. I don't give a flying fuck what my neighbor does except when they park their big ass RV in my neighborhood and block the community mailbox. Beyond that, I do not care what Felicia buys.

Now if sales chick came up with another angle, I may be persuaded to even hear her pitch.

Chick: Hey. Sorry to bother you but have you noticed that there are a lot more cockroaches in the neighborhood lately? The plant nearby has been the source of the explosion of those little devils. 

Me: Really? I did notice one of those little pricks on the second floor just the other day.

Chick: Ugh! That's what we've been hearing from lots of people around here. And did you know that the cockroaches around here fly? So they can fly right into the vents near the roof line and make their way into your home? That's why spraying around the perimeter of your house is so ineffective to keep them out. 

Me: Holy shit! Well, I don't want anymore flying into my home. How can I stop them from getting in?

Chick: Well, I'm with a pest control company and we got something to stop them before they ever get in, but it's not our monthly maintenance service, it's something else. Did you know that you can cut off a cockroach's head and it will live on for a week? And they love to drink beer? They're like that creepy uncle that comes to visit and never wants to leave. 

Me: No doubt! Okay, well I know they are disgusting and for everyone you see, there's a hundred more hiding, Ick! I'm getting creeped out... so what can I do about this?

Chick: Today we're offering a special to seal up all the spots on the exterior of your house to prevent them from coming inside in the first place. We use this fine mesh and find every possible point of entry. Cockroaches can get inside spaces that are 1/5th of an inch and the mesh we use makes it impossible for them to sneak in. Can I get you scheduled?

Me: Hell yeah! The sooner the better!

You need to understand your client's problem. In this really gross, made up example... I have cockroaches in my house (my problem) and she has a way to keep them out of my house (her solution). 

She also agitates my problem (and worst nightmares) by telling me about the zombie cockroaches and how they can get in the smallest spaces.

By this point, I'm skeeved out and know that I want her solution. I don't care about the price, I just don't want these fuckers in my home ever again.

She gives me a dream solution. She reminded me of a problem I have and hadn't thought of but when I thought about it I knew I would never sleep again until her company seals up my home.

If the money issue did come up, she could continue to show me the awful alternatives to not hiring her company.

People don't buy a computer, they buy what the computer will do for them. People don't buy weight loss pills, they are buying the future beach body. 

Figure out what you're really selling then you won't have to convince anyone again.